As much as I want to...

As much as I want to express what is in my heart and my mind, this is pretty vague. It is so hard to write about something when you just woke up.

Here I am at our semi-finished house and trying to get the feeling of having the enough strength to start reading the numerous books that I need for the up coming board exam.

As much as I want to start review, but what am I doing here? Trying to update my blog which becomes the chest of my thoughts. I promised in my previous blog that I ought to write a more serious blog or even a more 'sentimental' one so as to express what I feel.

As much as I want to assess what is the condition of my heart, but what is there to write? Is there a feeling left in my heart? Is there a flame that still goes on within it? Or did it just die down together with my hopes of findiing someone? As tragic as it may sound, I think I lost hope in finding a 'someone' that I could really call my own. [OK so this is the sentimental thing that I was saying before?] As we grow old, we find things far more important than finding that someone. Aspirations change. When you don't reach your aspirations in time, you reach desperation at its lowest pit therefore withdrawing yourself from the society and brand you as not part of them.

As much as I want to experience the bliss and unexplainable happiness of being in love, is there really someone out there? I am tired....very very tired. I don't care anymore.

No quiero amante. Adios amor. No se quiero hacerte el romantico amor.

Pardon my Spanish and even my English.