Goodbye to Love
If you are familiar with the song that I just used as a title of my blog entry, you may have an idea of what I am feeling right now.
There are times, especially nowadays that I am asking fate why is it always like this? It seems that I am destined to have such fate in this life.
Let me share to you my not so significant love stories in my life. This would probably be the first time that I would really tell or narrate my story in such a wide audience (the internet is a wide audience? Come to think of it only a few people would be interested with my blog entry).
The first time that I really fell hard in love was during my first year in college. I could say that he is my real first love. The first one that I really fell for and hit hard on the ground. The time that I realize that I was in love with him was already too late. Or maybe it was too late for me to realize. It was too late because he is already starting to court another girl. And this other girl is my friend. We may not be close but I don't want to take away something like that: a real love. It may be young love but it seems so real. Every time that I would see him I would have this smile on my face but the moment that I see him with her the smile seems to fade but I had to let in linger on my face so that they would not notice how hurt I am. It took me almost two years to get over my feelings about that guy. It was only when they broke up that I also started to let go of my feelings for him. Probably I sympathized more to the sentiments of my friend and I realized that he was really immature about his feelings about her. Come to think of it, both of us (the guy and I) are both amateurs when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. Both of us came from exclusive schools and this would be the first time for us to really, really interact with the other gender. The advantage that he has is that he came to school that most of the population is male. Up to now he remains special to my heart. He is my first real close guy friend. I can really confide in him the feelings that I have about almost anything under the sun. The only thing that I can't confide in him is the love that I have for him two years ago. What I can't forget about him was the two instances that I felt that he treated me as a real close friend. Once was the time that he told me that when the time comes that we are going to work in the industry, he wants us to work in the same company. It was just a mere joke but I really appreciated that. The other time was when we were waiting in Legarda station and then he told me that if ever someone courts me, he wants me to let him know. He seems like a brother to me. I could ride his weird sense of humor and at times (maybe) he could ride my weirdness as well. I once told him that we had the same brain wavelength. We are like the mirror image of each other only that I am a girl and he is a boy. If you are still wondering who this guy is, he is someone close to me. And if you are really one of my close friends, I’m sure you know who I am talking about. If you happen to be that guy, well guess what, you are right!
And the next guy that I really fell for is the recent one. I am sure you already know who he is. With the condition that I have right now, I can’t talk much about the details. I already have enough blog entries to describe how I felt for him. And you already know that he knows what I feel for him although I am not sure how he reacts to that but that does not really matter anymore.
Right now my heart is in broken. Broken in so many ways. It is broken because of my own clumsiness. I have come to realize that it is us who break our own hearts. It was actually my choice to fall for the said guys. But the problem is that every time that I fall, no one ever catches me. I always wonder why. And every time that this thought comes into my mind (every time I fall no one catches me) I just can’t help it but have this painful feeling inside my heart and it brings tears into my eyes. I wonder what is it in me? Is it my not so beautiful appearance? Is it my weird personality? Is it my being introvert that I am not able to show my real feelings? Tell me. Every place that I go to lately reminds me of the recent guys. Even simple songs remind me of him. Did I really fell that hard that it hurts this much? So I’ll say goodbye to love…
There are times, especially nowadays that I am asking fate why is it always like this? It seems that I am destined to have such fate in this life.
Let me share to you my not so significant love stories in my life. This would probably be the first time that I would really tell or narrate my story in such a wide audience (the internet is a wide audience? Come to think of it only a few people would be interested with my blog entry).
The first time that I really fell hard in love was during my first year in college. I could say that he is my real first love. The first one that I really fell for and hit hard on the ground. The time that I realize that I was in love with him was already too late. Or maybe it was too late for me to realize. It was too late because he is already starting to court another girl. And this other girl is my friend. We may not be close but I don't want to take away something like that: a real love. It may be young love but it seems so real. Every time that I would see him I would have this smile on my face but the moment that I see him with her the smile seems to fade but I had to let in linger on my face so that they would not notice how hurt I am. It took me almost two years to get over my feelings about that guy. It was only when they broke up that I also started to let go of my feelings for him. Probably I sympathized more to the sentiments of my friend and I realized that he was really immature about his feelings about her. Come to think of it, both of us (the guy and I) are both amateurs when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. Both of us came from exclusive schools and this would be the first time for us to really, really interact with the other gender. The advantage that he has is that he came to school that most of the population is male. Up to now he remains special to my heart. He is my first real close guy friend. I can really confide in him the feelings that I have about almost anything under the sun. The only thing that I can't confide in him is the love that I have for him two years ago. What I can't forget about him was the two instances that I felt that he treated me as a real close friend. Once was the time that he told me that when the time comes that we are going to work in the industry, he wants us to work in the same company. It was just a mere joke but I really appreciated that. The other time was when we were waiting in Legarda station and then he told me that if ever someone courts me, he wants me to let him know. He seems like a brother to me. I could ride his weird sense of humor and at times (maybe) he could ride my weirdness as well. I once told him that we had the same brain wavelength. We are like the mirror image of each other only that I am a girl and he is a boy. If you are still wondering who this guy is, he is someone close to me. And if you are really one of my close friends, I’m sure you know who I am talking about. If you happen to be that guy, well guess what, you are right!
And the next guy that I really fell for is the recent one. I am sure you already know who he is. With the condition that I have right now, I can’t talk much about the details. I already have enough blog entries to describe how I felt for him. And you already know that he knows what I feel for him although I am not sure how he reacts to that but that does not really matter anymore.
Right now my heart is in broken. Broken in so many ways. It is broken because of my own clumsiness. I have come to realize that it is us who break our own hearts. It was actually my choice to fall for the said guys. But the problem is that every time that I fall, no one ever catches me. I always wonder why. And every time that this thought comes into my mind (every time I fall no one catches me) I just can’t help it but have this painful feeling inside my heart and it brings tears into my eyes. I wonder what is it in me? Is it my not so beautiful appearance? Is it my weird personality? Is it my being introvert that I am not able to show my real feelings? Tell me. Every place that I go to lately reminds me of the recent guys. Even simple songs remind me of him. Did I really fell that hard that it hurts this much? So I’ll say goodbye to love…
posted by Lorie @ 8:14 PM
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